Show them integrity. Children must witness honesty, sincerity, and kindness from
parents, teachers, and other important adults in their lives. A study
completed by Jonathan Haidt at the University of Virginia found that
people who witnessed acts of kindness, loyalty, and heroism were motivated to
help others. Haidt also found that, not only do ‘observers’ of integrity pass
it on, they experience physiological benefits such as a sense of “elevation.”
They felt warm, open, glowing feelings in the chest. In other words, when
people witnessed kindness, it made them feel better and motivated them to do
good things. Model integrity!
Teach them the difference between
right and wrong. Believe it or not, many
children don’t know the difference because our society is giving them too many
mixed messages. When a child is faced with a dilemma, ask, “What is the
right thing to do?” Present them with scenarios or stories without endings and
have them brainstorm positive solutions.
Use concrete language. These days it seems that we are afraid to ‘tell it like it
is.’ Just listen to the news to see what I mean. The senator had a memory
lapse. (He lied!) The hospital administrator was a shoddy bookkeeper. (She
embezzled!) The student inflated her GPA. (She was dishonest!) The author failed
to report much of his earnings on his tax report. (He cheated the government!)
She intentionally deceived the banker. (She committed fraud!) The teen signed
her mother’s name on the check and cashed it. (She committed forgery!).
Don’t be hesitant to use the words ‘right’ and ‘wrong.’ When Janet steals, say,
“That’s wrong; stealing is wrong!” If Louis cheats in a table game, tell him,
“Cheating is wrong!” Young children need to be constantly reminded about
‘right’ and ‘wrong.’ Try to avoid the terms ‘good’ and ‘bad.’ Don’t say, “Mike,
you did a bad thing,” say “You did the wrong thing.” Don’t say, “You are bad!”
say, “What you did was wrong.” When children make poor choices, focus on their
behaviors, and not what kind of person they are. “Joey, you are not a bad
person, but what you did was not good.”
Use teachable moments. If you are driving along the interstate with your seven
-year-old daughter and you see someone in the car ahead of you throw trash out
the window, do you say anything to her? She needs to hear you say, “That was
wrong! It is against the law and it hurts the environment.” If you and your son
are watching a movie in which a man hits his wife, do you say anything?
Be careful with praise. Try to avoid dishing out too much praise when you observe
children doing the right thing. Remember, our goal when working with young
people is to have them do the right thing, because it is the right thing
to do, not because they’ll get a treat or praise. Many parents and teachers are
giving out “goodies” when children are caught being good. As mentioned earlier
in this book, research by Alfie Kohn and others found that many children will not
always do the right things once the “goodies” are eliminated. I want my
students to open the door for an elderly person because it is right, not
because they hope to get a pat on the back and a sticker! A little verbal
praise once in a while is fine, but better yet, acknowledge rather than praise.
For instance, instead of saying, “Maureen, I’m so proud of you for picking up
your toys without being told,” say, “I noticed you picked up your toys without
being told.”
Read ‘em their rights! Encourage children to closely monitor their whereabouts and
actions. At school I post several of these signs in various locations (bathrooms,
halls, media center, etc).
Am I:
In the RIGHT place
At the RIGHT time
With the RIGHT people
Doing the RIGHT thing?
Tell them tales of integrity. Storytelling is a powerful tool. Children will remember
stories better than lessons. Focus on true stories.
Excerpt
From:Got Grit?
Discover What It Takes to Go When the Mind and Body Say NO!
By: Tom Carr
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