Cyberbullying basics

October is Bullying Awareness month

At EMS, we're working at creating a positive and affirming culture through programs such as Big Brothers Big Sisters, Mix it Up Day at lunch (on October 29), and guidance time with Mrs. Fast. Mr. Gascho is also working with the 7th grade exploratory groups on being an appropriate digital citizen with lessons on internet safety, privacy and security, self image and reputation, and cyberbullying.

As you know, computers have changed how we live our lives drastically since we were in school. Below is some information parents of young teenagers should know about Cyberbullying from www.commonsensemedia.org .

Stand up to Cyberbullying

Texting, social sites, email, and IM -- this is how kids socialize. They tune in to find out who's dating who or what the math homework is. But kids can also use these tools to threaten, harass, or gang up on other kids.

As the drama plays out among a circle of friends, everyone becomes involved. Kids take turns playing different roles, as the aggressor, the victim, the bystander -- or they may stand up and try to stop it.

What's Going on in Their World

Facebook, cell phones, multiplayer gaming -- they're all part of your 12- to 14-year-old's world. Their online friends are typically their real-world friends, and drama that brews in the school hallways passes seamlessly to social networks.

It's likely that they'll encounter cyberbullying from experiencing it first hand, hearing about it, witnessing it, or possibly even perpetrating it. Sites like Formspring that allow teens to post anonymous comments can become popular among cliques and lead to lots of trash-talking.

When they turn 13, kids are no longer subject to COPPA -- which means they'll be able to go on sites without your knowledge or permission (At EMS, Instagram is used by many of our students, you may not even know that your child has an account so check out his or her apps and monitor the interactions for appropriateness.)

Where They Are Developmentally

Appearance, conformity, and acceptance by peers is of utmost importance. As your teen is trying to fit in with peers, he or she may be struggling with how to make good choices and define ethical behavior. Teens may not want to tell you if they encounter cyberbullying.

Advice and Tips

• Explain what is and isn't appropriate to post -- and at this age, make sure you're on their friend list.
• Remind them that all private information can be made public. Posts on friends' walls, private IMs, intimate photos, and little in-jokes can all be cut, pasted, and sent around.
• It's normal for teens to explore their identity, but keep an eye on the persona they're creating, and make sure they don't use anonymity as an excuse for bullying behavior (or ignoring it when they see it).
• Tell kids to think before they reveal. At this age, kids experiment with all sorts of activities, many of which should not be made public. Remind your teens that anything they post can be misused by someone else.

Conversation Starters

Discuss how your teen can be a positive force if they encounter cyberbullying. Tell them that you'd rather know about cyberbullying than not know -- but explain that they can always confide in a teacher or another grown-up, too (see the Huffington post linked below for more on this topic).

Discuss the consequences for discriminatory behavior (and enforce them whenever necessary). Ask how they'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Helpful Links:

Common sense media has a wealth of information about navigating this digital world including ratings for games and apps (your child needs extra math practice or help with social interactions or organization? There's an app for that! Go to http://www.commonsensemedia.org/ and click on the pull down menu labeled "Best Apps and Games"). Check it out!

This is a link to a previous post on technology at EMS in general.
http://easternmennonitems.blogspot.com/2013/07/technology-and-teens.html

This blog post discusses how bullying has changed since us parents were teens and how to effectively manage that.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/anastasia-basil/is-your-daughter-a-bully_b_3990142.html